The Ambiguously Gay Duo
by Aloh Dark
Summary: It's bad a story... a REALLY bad story... If you do read then welll you've been warned.. I'm not gonna give away the plot.. read it if you wanna know... The rating is just a precausion.. I don't know what I'll do... SLASH!!!!!!!! Chapt 1= No paring....


"Live from New York It's Saturday Night!!!"

"No it isn't!!!!"

"Uh, yea it is!"

"No it's not!!!"

"Uh-huh!"

"Ut-uh!!"

"UH-HUH!!!"

"UT-UH!!!!!"

"SHUT UP!!!!!!"

"peep!"

*glare*

"Ok we'll stop!"

"Good."

*throat clearing noise*

"Good morning everyone! Although it is Saturday ("Told Ya!") it isn't night ("Eah!! Told ya!). It's early morning. Very early morning. Like 1:45 AM early morning. And we are transmitting this message from somewhere deep inside my mind ("HA HA Double told ya!" "Loser!" "Moron!" "Girl!" "Boy!")." *urge to kill rising* "I thought I told you to stop it!!"

"He started it!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!!"

"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!"

"...." ^spooky even the crickets are quiet^

"Now Shido dear would you please stop arguing with yourself. I know your skitzo and all but you're giving all skitzophranic people a bad rep."

"Huh?"

"Just go play with your dolls!"

"They're 'Action Figures' not dolls."  
"Can I have a Barbie?!?!?!?!?"

"GO!!!!!!" 

"No!"

*glare of death*

"Meep!!" *whoosh sounds follow him as he runs away screaming*

*wipes hands in anticipation*

"Now as I was trying to say.... It's very early here so please bare with me as I try not to fall asleep as I'm typing. So have any of you ever seen Saturday Night Live??? Eh eh, anyone? Okay since you're not here I have no clue if anyone is even reading this. So I don't care what your answer was. NEEAHHHH!!!!! Anyway, I have many many many times. So I know basically nothing about it. But I can remember the cartoons.

But in complete and utter irrelevance I had a swim meet yesterday (10-17-02)!!!! And Cait aka SafetyMunkey, Jen aka Bagel and I had a rather rare intelligent conversation. *burst out laughing so hard she doubles over and starts to cry* Sorry sorry. I just couldn't help it. I had to say that. Cait, Jen, when have we ever had an intelligent conversation?? One that didn't turn lewd or into one of you running away from me biting you? My point exactly. Well anyway, I started to talk to them about Saturday Night Live and we got on the subject of the Ambiguously Gay Duo. Me in all my slashy glory mentioned how funny it would be to write a story about Duo. With, you guessed it, him being ambiguously gay. Unfortunately I lack humor skills so this will suck. But I refuse to let anyone else write it!!! For Cait doesn't understand the essence of a true slash fic!! Only a talented *snicker* slashy writer like myself could pull this off. Being one of angst isn't going to help me with this fic at all. I lack the talent to do this and will be hated by all for doing it!! But I must! The sake of my fragile sanity *snickers* depends on this.

Oh and remember that 'when correctly viewed, EVERYTHING is lewd.'"

*man who introduces movies voice* "And now our Feature Presentation" *creepy music that comes at the end of this sentence plays* 

All seems normal with Duo. Everyhting seems normal. Until you actually meet him. Then you have no idea that he was once a stranger because once you meet someone they are no longer starangers. Then again, if you knew that he was normal was really a staranger to begin with?? I think not! Unless you've never meet him and then he is a stranger.

There is a saying out there. I can't remember what it is or even what it's about. But I know there is saying out there, somewhere. Somewhere over the rain bow. Way, way up high. *cries and bites index fingers nuckle. 'I'll be right back'*

Now where was I??....... Ah yes!!!

Duo seemed like your normal adverage teenager. Moody, messy, hormonal. The usual. But he was special. VERY special. For he is.... 'The Ambiguously Gay Duo!!!!' *thunder crashes in the backround* And nothing shall stop him in the prosuit of orgams!!

But he had a problem. He was ambiguously gay but needed to pretend to be straight to get on the football team. And be able to sleep with Heero. (Not like that you nasty pervs!! But I likes the you thinks....) And how would Wufei act if he knew that Duo only wresteled him for "other reasons" so to say. No he had to remain unambiguously gay..... for the time being.

One morning at breakfast all the G-boys were eating together.

"What the 'ell?! We's ain'ts ever in tha same huse togeither durin tha seris!"

"Who the hell are you?"

"I um tha randum carature that Alyssa desided ta put in here. I gots nothin ta do wit ye lad."

"Oh okay. What kind of accent is that?"

"I dun no. I tink she like to use dif-fer-ent accents when she chooses."

"I do not!!"

"What's that voice??"  
"It's me dummy! Aloh or Alyssa as I'm usually refered to as. And I didn't give you random accents. You went from Brittish to Irish in the first sentence. Scottish in the second. And my poor excuse for Indian in the third."

"Then why none now or in the last line?"

"You do have an accent now!"

"Then what is it?"  
"Southern."

"OH DEAR LORD!!! OF ALL THE HIDIOUS SOUNDS IN THE WORLD!!!! WHY SOUTHERN? WHY WHY WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY???????"

(sorry to all the poeple in the south but this is an inside joke between me and a friend from Georgia. it's actually supposed to be about my bronx accent but who cares??)

"Shut up!! I must continue with my story. So where was I? Oh yes they were eating breakfast together...."

"That sounds like a truely horrifying nightmare Quatra. Did it have any short brunetts that always have their hair in a pony tail, is flat, has no hips and broad shoulders? And did that person also be a sprinter on a swimming team??"

"Noooooo..." 

"Oh too bad. It's a true nightmare when Ca- I mean that girl is in your dreams..."

"Are you feelling okay Trowa?"

"Yes why?"

"Because you're talking!"

"OH MY GOD I AM!!!!! Hell must have frozen over!! Oh look! Fudge! There's fudge on the table!! YEA!!!" Trowa then crawls under the table and eats the fudge in rabides delight.

"Ooookaaayyyy..." Wufei said, his eye twitching.

Suddenly Trowa reappears clean faced and silent from under the table. Then his head bent down slightly he looked accross the table at Quatra and started to shapen his spoon with a fork. All the while muttering about Can-can legs while doing twists.

"Rrrriiiiigggghhhhttttt"

"Who wants coffee?"

"I do!"

"I do!"

"I do!"

"Okay. One for you Duo, one for you Heero, and the last for you Wufei."

"Injustice!!!"

"What?"

"You disrespect me you man in pink shirt!! Serve me coffee last like I was some.. WOMAN!!!"

Suddenly Duo leaped up onto the table, sending all the food to crash towards Heero, who was working on his abbicus.

~~~~ Flashback~~~~

"Duo?? My computer!!!"

Duo stood Jhonny style over a broken computer with a bat in his hands. "It's the beeping of your insesent e-mail!!"

~~~~ End flashback~~~~

"I must say this!!! Must I!! Musterd!!! Everything!!!" Duo screamed. "YOU!!!!!!! ALL OF YOU WILL BE GAY!!!!!"

*collective gasp*

"Not you people!! Unless you want to be. I was talking about the five of us being gay."

"OHhhh...." Then someone's distant voice called out "Orgy at my place!!!" "Yea!!!!!!!!!"

AN: Damn if I wasn't busy writting this I'd go. Damn.....

Back to the G-boys.... 

"We're all gay??"  
"Yes Quatra! And I shall no longer live in secret!! For I am...... The Ambiguously Gay Duo!!!!*insert the echoing of 'Duo' here* And I shall hump all I want!!! *super hero stance* For I believe in Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Orgasms!!!" Duo held his pose for a minute. Then Heero kicked out the table leg and Duo fell crashing to the floor, instantly unconscience.

"Am I gay too??"

"Yes Trowa."

"Let Us Frik Like Bunnies!!!!"

"OKAY!!" Quatra squeeled happily as Trowa and he skipped off to the master bedroom.

Five days and 1,000,000,000,000 tubes of lube later.....

Trowa and Quatra were still at it, Heero was in his room working on his abbicus and Wufei was shinning his sword (No not that one!! I'm just being polite and not comeing out to brash by saying that he's jerking off. Jesus what are you people? Sharp shinny wepon crazy???).

"They shall never defeat me!!" Duo screamed from his position on the floor. Creapily getting up by rolling on his heals with his body stiff as I board, Dracula style!!

"Hmmm..... who shall be the first one I hump!!!!"He stood thinking for a moment, rubbing his chin. "I know!! Wufei!!"

He skipped out of the room with his arms sraightdown and his hands pointed up, Kelsey style!!!!

TBC..... or not.....

AN: YEA!!! My lame attempt at humor!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It really suxed didn't it?? I think it did!! Obviously I wrote this a long time ago..... when I supposed to be writting my other stories..... But who cares??!!!! I am such an idiot!!! But really what did you think? Should I, or should I not attempt another chapter? I'll thinking about writting another if I get 3 good reviews and many horrible ones. I will try to write another chapter if I get 7 reviews compined!! Well anyway there's a dance tonight so I'm gonna go change so I don't look like how I usually do..... This is going to take a while.....


End file.
